"What's the point of language if you don't say what you feel?"
I'd like to think of myself as a very logical, reasonable, objective person, and I had carried myself like that for the first 17 years of my life. My goals were quantifiable and I was motivated enough to achieve them. However, when it became time to pick a career path,my motivation grew slim and I questioned my passion which lead me to the whirlwind of questions I still ask myself today: What do I want from life? What would make me happy knowing I had done in my life? What defines my happiness? What defines my success?
Prior to that realization, my definition of those things were very quantifiable (i.e. house, location, income source, etc.) and because of that, it was easy to plan my life and define my goals. Life appeared linear. Get the degree, then the job, then the house, then the family... and then...? It was unsettling to conclude that my life was defined by 4 things (and no one's life should be). There's so much personal evaluation and maturity that is involved in defining one's values, but there's one that is seems almost universal: love.
As of late, I've been pondering what defines the human experience, and in a conversation with my professor she highlighted the value of emotions in defining the human experience. The first thing I though of was Ex Machina and how the robots appeared more human-like because they seemed to display emotions. That singular ability is what makes humans unique (though modern A.I. is pushing the limits on what I think robots are able to achieve and express cognitively).
Despite its value, humans always seem to be in this constant battle of trying to express and feel their emotions. The "hustler" mentality feels extremely prevalent in the modern day, and it feels like there is a constant need to do more, achieve more, and be more. Much of this may be attributed to the dependence on social media and the consistent feelings of comparison and "not being enough". However, if you push yourself too much without giving space to really think and feel, you see people fall risk to cognitive disorders (anxiety, depression, etc.) and unhealthy coping mechanisms which force one to avoid their feelings rather than accept them. We compromise our feelings for the sake of long-term "success", but is that compromise wise?
Love seems so small, yet it holds so much power over our being. It's also so hard for people to express and feel- feeling love seems like a weakness because it requires an element of vulnerability that people aren't willing to give. We all want to be the strongest and the best, and maybe that is why we push ourselves so much.
"Remember: If you're not speaking it, you're storing it, and that gets heavy."
The other day my friend emphasized the need for definitions within sociopolitical issues, and I feel like the same holds for emotions. There is a huge communication barrier between people who speak the very same language. If we can't communicate, how can we create understanding and foster compassion? This issue holds not only between groups of people, but within oneself. How can you be true to yourself if you don't vocalize your issues?
That day I came to her frustrated by my feelings of grief and resentment, and I vocally questioned why I felt these emotions when the logic was clear. I could not control my emotions even though my mind knew what was best for me. How can someone so logical find themselves lost in their emotions of which they know are illogical? All emotions are not illogical, but I had reasoned scenarios and logistics in my head over and over, yet I could still feel that emotional pain?
I can't speak much on it, but I hope to better understand the impact of emotional pain. How can emotional pain hurt more than physical pain? How does our mind control our body if the mind is so intangible? Is life just about learning to control our emotions? How do you define your existence?
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